EDITOR’S NOTE: As part of our ongoing Cubs/Sox deliberations, we asked two of our favorite fans to go head to head. You’re welcome. Joel Reese begins, and Tony Fitzpatrick responds.
Ah, the perpetual spilt milk of Major League Baseball’s most put-upon fans: The Cub Fan….Wah-Wah, it ain’t fair.
We have Theo. Yeah, and then? Another year of catching the Karmic bone-yogurt in the face.
Poor fucking you!
You hitch your wagon to the chocolate Labs of baseball, and then wonder why they keep chasing parked cars?
It’s because of you, Snapperhead–you and the 35,000 other assholes who come out day after day to heap esteem on baseball’s version of a leper colony. The continual sucker bet of “Wait til next year.”
It is this way because you slap-dicks allow it to be.
Deep in your hearts you ass-wipes are the thumb-suckers who just couldn’t get enough love.
Well, what is your major malfunction, Numb-Nuts?
As R. Lee Ermey once queried, “Didn’t Mommy hug you Ass-Hats enough?”
Did you get fucked up in toilet training?
You embrace that lovable loser mantle like white clinging to Mitt Romney.
And lay off A.J., Shit-Bird. The man plays the game the way it’s supposed to be played: with ferocity and competitive guile.
Do opposing teams like him? Who the fuck cares, Dick-weed? He has no desire to get chummy with the enemy. Fuck those guys.
And that first base coach? You notice we haven’t had any La-La from that asshole lately….
In closing, you have the team you deserve, Pecker-head.
You don’t like the Sox, go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut, Fuck-Face.
And I mean that in the nicest way possible.
P.S.: Eat shit and Die, yuppie puke.