Conservative dweeb and staunch Cubs fan George Will has allegedly written one true thing in his long and platitudinous career: “There are only two seasons: baseball and the Void.” And as we enter the void until pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training, I just want to say one thing to the Giants and the Tigers:
Fuck you very much.
What a shitty World Series.
Chicago-area baseball fans were doomed from the start of this post-season, of course, as just about every scenario involved either bitter rivals (the Cardinals or Tigers) or cities we love to hate (New York or Washington) going all the way. A Cardinals-Tigers World Series would have been the best thing for Chicago, as Cub-hating Sox fans could root for St. Louis, and Cardinals-hating Cubs fans could root for Detroit. Whoever won, at least half the city would be happy.
Giants-Tigers? No reason for the Sox to root for the Giants—if anything, the presence of pretty-boy former Cubs shortstop Ryan “My Cajun Name Will Sell A Million Unlicensed T-shirts” Theriot would prevent true-black-and-white Sox fans from supporting the City by the Bay. And Cubs fans just cannot sink to the level of Sox fans and root against the Tigers just because they helped the ’12 White Sox choke like a Superfan inhaling a Polish sah-sidge sangwhich from Johnny O’s down by T’irty-Fit’ an’ Morgan.
So, when there’s no logical rooting interest on either side of town, what do we want?
We want as much baseball as possible.
We root for a 7-game series, one with drama, excitement, great defense and pitching, some historic hitting. Three or four extra-inning games would be ideal. Yeah, the Panda provided that 3-homer game to open the Series, and the other 3 games were close, with the last going 10 innings. But they were all kind of blah. One blowout, and three games characterized as much by lackluster hitting as good pitching or defense. No drama, no last hurrah before the Void.
One consolation to the season, though: the Tribune has sent a reporter, Mark Gonzales, to cover the Arizona Fall League. So we can read about up-and-coming Sox infielder Carlos Sanchez. Or Cubs prospect Matt Szczur’s attempts to become a hitter, and imagine Harry Caray’s ghost spewing spittle all over Section 421 as he tries to pronounce that name backwards.
So maybe we can keep the Void at bay a little longer. No thanks to the Giants or the Tigers.
Four games. Shit.